2024 CHEVROLET COLORADO: A MIDSIZE PICKUP PUNCHES ABOVE ITS WEIGHT

Often when I meet new people and tell them what I do, they say it must be awesome to drive all those McLarens and Lamborghinis. I hate to disappoint them, so I don’t. But when it comes to scissor-doored supercars, there isn’t enough jade in all of Asia to do justice to my jadedness. For me the best part is the moment the transporter raises the ramp and takes the useless thing away, never to be seen again.

The 2024 Chevy Colorado 4WD Z71 Crew Cab is a different story, insofar as I actually want and need a midsize pickup and only rarely aspire to look like a gross old sugar daddy. Within minutes of taking delivery I was at the big-box hardware store, blissfully throwing pressure-treated beams into the spray-lined cargo bed, nattering with fellow white-haired fixers.

Today I’m picking up about 500 pounds of floor tiling and a vanity for a bathroom remodeling project, because I never learn. Also on the to-do list: disposing of the moldy Persian rug in the yard that got soaked through when the water heater busted (also, picking up a new water heater).

The Colorado just got here and I’m already sorry it has to go.

The category, Alex, is midsize pickups. Answer: The bestselling half-ton pickups in the U.S. last year, in order: What are the Toyota Tacoma, Chevy Colorado, Nissan Frontier, Jeep Gladiator and Honda Ridgeline? With the exception of the Honda, which uses a hybrid unit-body construction, these products are strikingly similar mechanically and likewise comparable across a breadth of specifications, price points and options.

I know that’s not much help. If you’re a dad with a soggy rug to move in a hurry, how are you supposed to decide? The good news is, given the overall parity, there is no wrong answer. I do however recommend an exit strategy.

The need to know: Like its cross-shopped competitors, Chevy’s half-ton pickup is now obliged to do more with less—less displacement, consumption and emissions. Gone are brawny, free-breathing V6s and V8s. Behind the big bow tie grille ornament is a small, turbocharged 2.7-liter four-cylinder (310 hp/430 lb-ft) mated to an eight-speed automatic transmission and, in 4WD-equipped versions, a two-speed transfer case providing on-demand Low Range 4WD and a locking rear differential.

As of the 2023 overhaul, the Colorado’s turbo wondermill secures towing and payload figures that are superior to the segment-leading Tacoma. Among the callouts is the Colorado’s “unsurpassed” 7,700-pound maximum tow rating. Over time, the quest for superlatives has steadily pushed midsize trucks into jobs that would have once required a full-size pickup.

Unfortunately, the mission creep affects prices, too. The most basic Colorado 2WD work truck starts at $31,095 MSRP. Examples like our 4WD Z71 are the poshest of the bunch. Its list of cost-extra options included the EZ Lift and Lower tailgate; tilt-and-telescoping steering wheel; wireless charging; heated steering wheel, and the Advanced Trailering Package. There is an app for that.

I have to say, Chevy’s generosity is a bit underwhelming. By my reckoning, all of this sweetness and light should be standard content.

Chevy’s masters might say they put maximum value into the 2.7-liter engine. If so, great, because the longevity of small, high-revving turbo engines in this category worries the hell out of me. Chevy’s engine boffins have certainly built themselves quite a pumper, with forged crankshaft and bearing caps, reinforced lower crankcase, tri-metal rod bearings, fully machined piston crowns, sodium-filled exhaust valve stems and the wondrous-sounding “spiny lock nodular cast-iron cylinder liners,” which aid in heat shedding. Finally, something exotic to brag about.

I thumbed the powered door latch and swung open the sizable driver’s door then took my place in the commensurately ample driver’s seat. I pressed the Start button. The black-panel driver information display bloomed with status icons as the 2.7-liter woke with a strangely familiar growl.

It’s funny to clock the disposition of GM engines over time. This one is vastly more complex, more power- dense—114.8 hp/liter—and high-spec than the flaccid gassers of the past. And yet it somehow retains the weirdly bovine moo at low revs and transient loads that has been characteristic of GM engines for generations. It’s practically a Midwestern accent.

The Colorado’s daily drivability, refinement and ride quality are likewise legacy-adjacent. Around town, the upshifting can be a bit clunky. Throttle response is programmatically lazy. If you need to scoot around traffic in a hurry, or overtake on the highway, God forbid, you need to really kick that mule.

Most vehicle systems are accessed through the Google-grokking center touch screen. The Colorado also puts a set of robust paddle switches at the bottom of the center stack, engaging truck-specific and safety-adjacent features such as downhill descent control and automatic lane-keeping. The system also supports wireless Apple CarPlay and Android Auto.

Ignoring these trenchant technical advances, the typical midsize truck buyer will choose on the basis of exterior styling. Here I am helpless to advise. They are all too big and too weird. Give me a break with the chiseled contours, ladies.

I don’t want to go too hard on the interior. I actually like some of the dark woven textiles, the bezels of brightwork and contrasting red overstitching in the upholstery. Are these the clothes I want to be buried in? Not unless I want to spend eternity dressed like a riverboat blackjack dealer. But I could live with it for  a while.

Which brings up my exit strategy. If I bought one of these today, I would expect to get rid of it after three or four years—certainly short of the five-year/50,000-mile limited powertrain warranty. Never mind the tarty upholstery. I couldn’t afford the gas.

Seriously. I can’t believe that after all that engine development, and all the balloon juice about improved efficiency and lowered emissions, the best this gadget can manage is 18 mpg in the city, 23 mpg on the highway, for an average of 20 mpg, according to the EPA.

I might as well be driving a Lambo to the lumber yard.

2024 Chevrolet Colorado 4WD Z71 Crew Cab

Base price: $40,200

Price, as tested: $46,575

Powertrain: turbocharged 2.7-liter DOHC inline four-cylinder engine; eight-speed automatic transmission; two-speed transfer case with Low Range; electronic rear-locking differential; multi-drive mode 4WD

Power/Torque: 310 hp at 5,600 rpm/430 lb-ft at 3,000 rpm

0-60 mph: 7.5 secs (estimate)

Curb weight: 4,530 pounds

Length/wheelbase/width/height: 213.2/131.3/78.0 (w/o mirrors)/79.8 inches

Payload/GVWR: 1,710/6,250 pounds

EPA fuel economy: 18/23/20 mpg, city/highway/combined

2024-06-28T18:45:54Z dg43tfdfdgfd